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Beaglegirl

Hi Everyone, Im so sorry to be posting here but I know that you’re all really lovely and supportive! My husband is in hospital again. I had a phone call at 5am this morning to say that security was called as he had become aggressive. He is hallucinating and being really nasty to staff. They have done another lumbar puncture as they have found white cells and protein in it. They are hoping it’s an infection but could be aml relapsed in the central nervous system. Please I need a miracle and some reassurance. I have no one with me and im absolutely heartbroken and sick with worry waiting for the results. He’s currently fast asleep thank goodness x

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Beaglegirl
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  • Hi Helen, Dave, Audrey & MichelleAnne, I thought I would come and see what is happening. I’m still struggling to cope but I have managed to get out and do my horses! I also surprised my dad with a new jeep as Martin always said he deserves something as he does so much for me. I bought it on Friday and pretended it was a…
  • iv sent you a message Helen x
  • hi everyone, is there anyone online I’m struggling. I’m not doing very well
  • Hi Everyone, I’ve been feeling guilty for not coming on here as to have people actually concerned about me makes me feel okay. My eyesight has got worse so I’ve had to have another appt booked for this Friday as I might need more treatment. I’ve managed a click and collect however, I had a massive panic attack and couldn’t…
  • Hi Everyone, I just wanted to let you all know I’ve spoken to Liam at Anthony Nolan this morning. It’s hasn’t made it any easier but for the time I was on the phone it gave me a break from the pain I’m feeling. We spoke of my issues with blame and even had something in common. We both have a Romanian rescue dog 🩷 I could…
  • I don’t have really good friends as I was always with Martin. The few I have message me and I ignore them as they are happy. My family are helping although I don’t feel I can talk to them. It isn’t Martin. I can’t stay with anyone as my dogs have lots of issues. My Jack Russell’s attacks people and other dogs, Dexter my…
  • Martin was the only one I could speak to about anything and he’s gone 💔💔
  • My GP offered me diazapam which I cannot take due to my eyes. I’ve tried Cruz bereavement and didn’t find them helpful. They just kept telling me to eat and have a bath over and over again.
  • Hi Michelle, Im constantly in panic mode. Last night was horrific. I couldn’t sleep. The night terrors were so scary. All I wanted is Martin to talk to and he would have given me a hug and said it’s alright go back to sleep. I really needed him at that point . I had to get out of bed as I was shaking and sweating which has…
  • I’m self employed so it’s only me. Some of my friends are messaging me on FB but I don’t want to speak to them. They have their lives with their kids and husbands. I haven’t got that anymore and I’m really angry. We only went on one holiday which was our honeymoon to Paris I drove there and back. It was after his first…
  • I just feel so alone. I keep going over and over in my head why didn’t I just say to him don’t take the MMF as he was only itching and why didn’t I give him the GcSF. I’m going insane with thinking that I’ll never see him again or give him a hug or just look at him. It’s killling me the pain and wouldn’t not wish it on…
  • Going out today was the most painful thing ever. I burst in to tears when a woman walked in with her husband. I’m so angry and bitter about everyone else. Why did it have to happen to Martin. There are a few others I’ve spoken to on FB whose husbands have had 2nd transplants and are doing fine. I’m so jealous of them and…
  • I know about everything you’ve said but it came down to he was neutropenic as the MMF drop his counts and if he had the gcsf from the Friday to Wednesday when the doctor said you neutropenic he would of had something to fight with and maybe no sepsis. No I haven’t managed to get hold of anyone as they might be fed up with…
  • Hi Dave, I went to have my laser eye surgery today. Walking into Treliske bought everything back. Walking passed the isolation room he was in as I can remember him waving when I left out side. I’m adamant that he wouldn’t have got sepsis if he had daily GCSF. I’m beating myself as it’s the only thing I can do. If I’m to…
  • hi, I really hope someone is online. I’m having a really bad panic attack. I’ve been googling GCSF to prevent Neutropenic sepsis and it’s says it does. I’m now questioning whether I gave Martin what the doctors said. I know she said give one Saturday/Sunday then see you Wednesday. Oh god why didn’t they just keep daily…
  • Hi Everyone, just wondered if anyone was online for a chat? As I’m struggling to cope . I’ve tried support lines but they just don’t understand. Everyday is agony and all I want is my boy back 💔 I’ve managed a bath today but I can’t bear sitting here on my own in silence. However, I have to try for my dogs as they are…
  • That’s my brothers mate Richard harris who had the shop in the beach. He use to sell wetsuits and stuff. Can you not get PIP in stead of UC? It’s sounds like you can due to your mobility. What do you do in IT? That’s what my degree is and I taught Business ICt and French
  • No he started at Lobbs at Ruthernbridge and then spent 20yrs at RJ Trevarthen at Roskrow nr penryn. He travelled everyday rain or shine on his motorbike. He never missed a day he was such a hardworker.
  • Yes Morley Richards they still have the feed shop up at sweetshouse. Mark his son’s daughter Amy has horses. Omg quasars think I went there once or twice trying to sneak in underage. I took Martin there once but he wasn’t impressed. Did he run the butcher shop? I never knew Martin was a slaughterman and knew most of the…
  • no I don’t know who you are and I wouldn’t ask anybody anyway! But that’s very scary how close they are to me and what’s the chances of me speaking to you on here?? I can literally walk to the back of my garden and look at their place. I have heard was a bit of a character shall we say. Sounds like your mum is better on…
  • I use to jump a horse for Headleys brother! His farm is just down from Jon Vincent’s. Russell has got the pheasant farm I don’t know Russell that well but I do know Jo who married Brian worth. I’m friends with Emily their daughter.I only know of the langmaids as someone I know had a horse from them years ago. Did you know…
  • No there isn’t any SJ aroun. The closet is Colraine in Truro or Talltrees at Davidstow. Was your grand parents from Lanlivery then? Yes the stables at Lostwithiel would have been St. Veep at Lerryn? Do you still know anybody form Lanlivery? There are still a few around that have had horses Mr Langmaid, Mr Truscotts…
  • i can walk outside and look right over at Helman Tor but to be honest fresh air nor the country are helping at the moment. I understand though if you can’t get out it’s so frustrating as if you’re imprisoned in your own home. I can’t bear staying indoors but when my world ended I don’t see the point of even getting out of…
  • Oh goodness that sounds awful! I met Martin when I was 17 first ever boyfriend and we spent everyday with each other since. I was extremely lucky to meet him and there is no one on this planet that I would want to be with other than him. He did everything for me. I just can’t accept he’s gone as I can’t live without him. I…
  • No his first transplant was at Bristol childrens hospital. Then the second was at Derriford as they now do unrelated donors. I’m sure your friends would love to see you no matter what. Although it’s how you feel about yourself if you’re not up to it. Did your last wife go to fowey school? Sorry to pry but im just so…
  • God it’s a very small world. Mum and dad live overlooking the beach at Polmear. Lisa use to cut my hair and Wilf use to cut Martins 🩷 better than Jocks on Par Green. I went to Fowey School too and then when I graduated I went back and did a bit of supply teaching there. Never again it’s become really awful. A lot of my…
  • OMG this is so wierd. I grew up in Par and then moved to lanlivery about 15yra ago although mum and dad owned the land years before me coming her.Mum and dad still live in Par. Im too scared to ask where your mum lives in Par as I bet my mum knows her 🙈
  • Dave my goodness it’s a small world isn’t it. Whereabouts does your mum live in Cornwall? We live just outside of Lanhydrock Nr Lostwithiel. We live on a small holding with our horses/3 pet sheep and our dogs x
  • Save Wow a BSJA judge!! Can I ask which area you were in? I’m Area 51 Cornwall. However I lived to albrighton in Shropshire to for a young rider position at Robert Lickleys @ Kingswood and that’s where I met my angel Martin. Spain hold tours where you can jump over 6/8wks to get away from our winters. It’s a lot of money…