Please read the house rules and keep this community safe for yourself and others.
My wonderful husband is no more
Just spent my first Christmas in 43 years without my wonderful husband. He went in to the Sutton Marsden to have his, supposedly, life-enhancing stem cell transplant on his 67th birthday. [He had endured MDS blood cancer for the previous 5 years, brought about by 37 bouts of radiotherapy at the Marsden Sutton for Prostate Cancer which destroyed his blood cell making bone marrow capability. They don’t give men with Prostate Cancer that huge dose any more! Sadly, they did to my man!]
All went well, apart from him not being able to see suddenly and extensive weakness in a previously very strong man. A week later he went downhill so badly that he had to be hurriedly transferred up to the Chelsea & Westminster Marsden into their ICU where he was intubated and given a DNR much to our utter shock!
There he stayed for 3 more weeks, totally unresponsive as he was intubated and in an induced come. We visited him as frequently as possible to give him some comfort, possibly, via our family voices and loving caresses. Eventually he was given a tracheostomy operation because the medics thought he would rally and be able to come off the breathing machine. His white cell count was rising and the transplant was an apparent success. They gently reduced his powerful medications and he was partially awake although not truly compos mentis.
The penultimate time we visited him, which was the next day, the staff said he had contracted the BK virus which had affected both his bladder and kidneys. Within 24 hours it had caused a bladder puncture for which, because of his low blood count and lack of immunity, they could not operate on.
We left to return the next morning where the Consultant said they had to remove his breathing aid and he would eventually die. His daughter and I sat by his bed for 5 hours while he valiantly breathed alone and then, finally, no more.
This all played out on 25th August this year (2025) and to say we are completely devastated is a gross understatement. My beautiful man has gone, our two adult children have no father, 5 grandchildren no Grandpa and I am now a widow. Life is just something to endure for me now. My light has gone out…
All went well, apart from him not being able to see suddenly and extensive weakness in a previously very strong man. A week later he went downhill so badly that he had to be hurriedly transferred up to the Chelsea & Westminster Marsden into their ICU where he was intubated and given a DNR much to our utter shock!
There he stayed for 3 more weeks, totally unresponsive as he was intubated and in an induced come. We visited him as frequently as possible to give him some comfort, possibly, via our family voices and loving caresses. Eventually he was given a tracheostomy operation because the medics thought he would rally and be able to come off the breathing machine. His white cell count was rising and the transplant was an apparent success. They gently reduced his powerful medications and he was partially awake although not truly compos mentis.
The penultimate time we visited him, which was the next day, the staff said he had contracted the BK virus which had affected both his bladder and kidneys. Within 24 hours it had caused a bladder puncture for which, because of his low blood count and lack of immunity, they could not operate on.
We left to return the next morning where the Consultant said they had to remove his breathing aid and he would eventually die. His daughter and I sat by his bed for 5 hours while he valiantly breathed alone and then, finally, no more.
This all played out on 25th August this year (2025) and to say we are completely devastated is a gross understatement. My beautiful man has gone, our two adult children have no father, 5 grandchildren no Grandpa and I am now a widow. Life is just something to endure for me now. My light has gone out…
Comments
I am Liam, the Patient Involvement Manager here at Anthony Nolan.
Firstly, I want to say I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. It sounds like your first Christmas without him after 43 years together was extremely difficult.
Christmas can be a very difficult time anyway and with this being your first after his loss, you have done so well to get though it.
If you would like to talk things through or get some support from us directly, you’re very welcome to get in touch. You can email patientinfo@anthonynolan.org or call 0303 303 0303 and select option 3. One of our helpline team will be there to listen and help where they can.
Thinking of you, your husband, your children and grandchildren at this time.
Liam